Merry Maddenoliday!

Madden 2007 comes out today. I'm picking up my copy at lunch, but unfortunately, I won't be able to play it until tomorrow because I'm going to the Mets game tonight, courtesy of ESPN.com, the Worldwide Leader In Leading The World. I don't even like the Mets, but ESPN is providing free food and free beer, and the tickets are free. Helpful tip, know people who work for companies that claim to be the worldwide leader in anything. I'm also working on becoming good friends with Dick Cheney, even though he's pure evil and will probably shoot me at some point. But I could probably get some no-show construction jobs in Iraq and make tons of cash. That would be fun.

As far as Madden goes, franchise mode should be fun as always, but I'm really excited for Superstar mode, where I plan on creating myself as the running back for the Giants (sorry Tiki). That is kind of ridiculous, I guess, considering that if I joined the NFL in real life I'd probably get killed getting into in the huddle. But that's why PlayStation exists. I don't think it's any worse than my friend Tarik, who created himself in MLB '06: The Show and hit 51 home runs with a .508 batting average for the Mets. He took virtual steroids to pull that off (meaning, he played the game on Rookie/Easy).

In Madden's superstar mode, you can sign endorsement deals and even star in movies. That's pretty cool, but what would be even better is if you could get caught smuggling 420 pounds of pot in your SUV, or get four girls pregnant in the span of three months, or retire and then get put on trial for murdering your ex-wife and her boyfriend. That would push the game to another level. Also, there should be a way you can give interviews like Randy Moss did a couple of years ago after he got fined for "mooning" the crowd at Lambeau Field.

Reporter: "Write the check yet, Randy?"

Moss: "When you're rich you don't write checks."

Reporter: "If you don't write checks, how do you pay these guys?"

Moss: "Straight cash, homey."

Reporter: "Randy, are you upset about the fine?"

Moss: "No, cause it ain't [expletive]. Ain't nothing but 10 grand. What's 10 grand to me? Ain't [expletive] … Next time I might shake my [expletive]."

Fun fact, that's my third favorite sports interview of all time, ahead of the Allen Iverson "Practice" interview , just behind the Herm Edwards interview where he said "You play to win the game!" and way behind the greatest interview ever, when Mike Tyson said he wanted to eat Lennox Lewis' children (Fun Fact #2, I know the last part of that interview by heart. Fun fact #3. I have way too much time on my hands). If there was a way to be a complete asshole in Madden, that would really be the ultimate. I would stop doing anything and just play Madden all day.

Actually, that's probably whats gonna happen anyway.

(EDIT: I just picked up the game, and it turns out you CAN be a jerk in interviews. Fantastic news.

EA Sports, it's in the game.)