This weekend, I went to Atlantic City to watch the Arturo Gatti-Alfonso Gomez fight with my dad. I've been a big boxing fan since I was a kid, and a lot of that is because my dad would watch the fights on HBO when I was younger. I've always wanted to go to a big fight in Atlantic City, so I decided to bring my Dad along.
But I am not going to talk about my adventures with Dad this weekend. I'm not even going to talk about Dad, because Dad is not my dad. Because my dad is a bird. And I thought my bird-dad had killed himself, but apparently, he is now Zombie-Bird Dad, because he is back, and he came into my apartment.
I had come back to the apartment after the weekend in Jersey, refreshed and ready to begin reading the sixth Harry Potter book. My roommate, Tarik, was washing the dishes and I said hello to him, and asked him where our gay friend, Manny, was.
That is when he told me the shocking tale.
Apparently, our stupid friend, Manny, walked into the living room, and saw a bird in the kitchen. After seeing the bird, he helped it fly out the window. Apparently, one of the windows was open, and the bird flew in and immediately tried to get out.
That's the story I was told, but I know the true story.
Zombie-bird forced his way into the apartment through the magic of technology. What type of technology, I cannot be certain, but it is magic, and it is technological. While inside, he flew over to my room in order to seek his revenge on me for not inviting him to the De La Hoya-Mayweather PPV screening at my apartment. Seeing that I was not in my room, he decided to go into the kitchen in order to get a drink. Being a zombie-bird makes you thirsty, you see. Then our serious friend, Manny, came in, and he was immediately possessed by the zombie-bird. Our retarded friend, Manny, immediately went to work at Home Depot, because Zombie-birds are not only driven by their thirst for revenge, they are driven by excellent sales on wood supplies and carpets.
This can only mean one thing. I must destroy Manny-Zombie-Bird before he destroys me. And I can only accomplish this by being meaner to him.
One might ask, why are you so mean to Manny? There are several reasons.
- He makes it really easy.
- I'm a jerk.
- He makes it really easy. I know this is the same as the first reason, but I can't stress this enough. It's more or less batting practice at this point.
Now I can add another reason.
- Save the world from Zombie-Bird.
It is a noble cause.
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