Starbucks and Red Bulls

I drove halfway across the country this Memorial Day weekend, maybe a little less than half the country, but still a long drive nonetheless. When you drive a little less than halfway across the country, you learn a lot of things. You learn about yourself and about the world around you. You'll meet different people and see different sights and hear different sounds and smell difference fragrances. And if you're lucky, you'll be completely changed person at the end of it.

I'm not that lucky though. I haven't really changed at all.

One thing I did learn is that rest stops are somehow nicer in the midwest than it is on the East Coast, and that the state of Indiana is apparently obsessed with fireworks. I also think I understand why there are so many Bush-voters out there, after staying on the road and seeing nothing but farmland through the entire state of Ohio. It's easy to be super-religious and crazy when you're stuck in the middle of nowhere with no entertainment but the Bible and direct mail from Karl Rove.

The drive was kind of a haze, except for the one moment in Ohio when I started seeing signs for Pennsylvania, and I also noticed that the sky was turning brighter, and that it would be morning soon, and I also noticed that everyone in the car with me had fallen asleep, and I noticed that I had been driving for around 6 hours, only stopping for Red Bulls and Iced Coffee, and despite the fact I had drank the equivalent of jet fuel, I was still kind of tired.

So, naturally, I decided that I needed to race the sun to Pennsylvania.

It seems silly thinking to think about, but I actually thought "I'm going to race the sun!" and slammed my foot on the gas pedal. There weren't too many cars on the road, but whatever was in front of me: Deer, trucks, human torsos, it didn't matter. I was bobbing and weaving through whatever traffic there was in order to beat the sunrise. It was like I was possessed. Possessed by the need to beat that sun of a bitch to PA.

I didn't though. I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of my journey, and although I tried to hold it off as long as possible, the deadly mix of Energy Drink and Starbucks in my bladder forced me to the next rest stop. I grabbed another coffee at the stop and I got back on the road, and the sun was already out. And literally 15-20 minutes later, I was paying the toll at the Ohio Turnpike. If I just held it in, I could have made it. The thought of that still haunts me after all these, uh, day.

The sun won this round, but tomorrow is another day.