May 21, 2007

My interview with a flashlight

I tried to conduct an interview with a flashlight recently. Here's how it went.

Me: Hey, Mr. Flashlight! How are you doing, pal?

Flashlight: ....

Me: So, I hear that you just had your batteries replaced. How does that feel? Weird? Refreshing?

Flashlight: ....

Me: Um, so when you are in the woods, you're usually the first object to tell whether or not there are werewolves roaming about amongst the trees. Does this frighten you, or have your experiences hardened you to the dangers of these ferocious beasts?

Flashlight: ....

Me: I can tell you are shy. Is this because you know that you'll never have the lighting capabilities of a lamp, or Tom Cruise's teeth?

Flashlight: ....

Me: Okay, let's wrap this up with some word association. Sound good?

Flashlight: .....

Me: Lindsay Lohan.

Flashlight: ....

Me: Tim Duncan.

Flashlight: .....

Me: Rudy Giuliani.

Flashlight: ...okay, here's the thing. His name is Rudolph. He was named after a reindeer. I don't believe people who are named after characters in Robert L. May Christmas stories are qualified to be President. That, and he's dresses up like a woman and would probably send black people to detention camps if he could.

Me: ....

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