Easter Sunday

Easter is tomorrow, and it may be the most important day of the year. That of course, is because the first of the final nine Sopranos episodes airs tomorrow. Also, some guy named Jesus rose from the dead and saved us from our sins.

Jesus Christ and Tony Soprano have a lot in common. The Gospel may be the greatest story ever told, but The Sopranos isn't too far behind. Both stories have prominent mothers who had an enormous effect on the protagonist's lives, both were the boss of their respective crews, both dealt had to deal with traitors among friends, (Jesus guilt tripped Judas, who had betrayed Jesus to the Romans, into hanging himself, Tony nixed a move to Florida for Eugene, who had been talking to the Feds, so Gene hung himself). Many complain about the voodoo bullshit that Jesus does in the Gospel of John, like when Jesus takes a small basket of fish multiplies it so that it could feed everyone in a large crowd. This is similar to how many complain about the use of dream sequences on The Sopranos, like when Tony talks to fish and finds out Big Pussy is a rat and then feeds his soldier to the fishes.

The end of the Gospel, of course, ended with the death of Jesus and his subsequent resurrection, leaving room for the sequel "The Book of Revelations", where the devil lays waste to the world and Jesus comes flying back to do battle with the dark lord. Many speculate that it will end with the death of Tony Soprano...and his subsequent resurrection, leaving room for a Sopranos movie where Phil Leotardo lays waste to New Jersey and Tony comes flying back to do battle with the powerful boss of New York.

If and how Tony Soprano dies won't be revealed until June, while the death of Jesus is widely known. On Good Friday, Jesus was crucified because he was a pacifist liberal pussy whose message of peace and charity was resonating throughout the land, which threatened those in power who were warmongers and believed in fucking people over to get rich. Ironically, people in power figured out that since Jesus got whacked, they could take his message which still resonated with people and use that to consolidate more power. In time, they would use that power to start wars and stop teenagers from having sex, and while new people and countries have taken power since then, not much has changed.

If Jesus was alive right now, he would be appalled at the state of things. He would also probably need a walker and have trouble feeding himself, because Jesus would be 2000 something years old, which is fucking ancient. I mean, there are 70 year olds who can't walk around without peeing on themselves, imagine how helpless a 2000 year old man would be. Although I imagine that being Jesus' nurse would be kind of cool. His nurse would have the job of changing his diaper, a job that Mary the Mother of God once had. And that would give a whole new meaning of the phrase "Holy Shit".

I would guess a different ending for Tony Soprano, but in a way, a similar ending and epilogue to the ending for Jesus. In a lot of ways, the people in power in America are the people who were threatened by Jesus way back when. And because The Sopranos has been and is a reflection of modern day America (the tagline for the final season: Made in America) and Tony Soprano has been and is a reflection of the people in power (Time Magazine has a great article about that), my guess is that Tony Soprano walks away richer and more powerful than ever, beating all the people who have worked in one way (the Feds and informants who are building a RICO case against him) or another (rival crime bosses plotting his murder) to bring him down.

A lot of people say that Tony Soprano get killed or go to jail because he's evil, and evil people should change their ways or be punished in the end, but I think that's the exact reason why he shouldn't die. So many movies and TV shows have these neat little endings where good triumphs over evil, the poor become rich and the rich become poor, and that's not how the world works at all. That's one reason why so many TV shows and movies are terrible, and that's why The Sopranos has been so good, because it has never ever tried to sell the lie that everyone gets their own fair share in the end. In reality, good people get killed and sacrificed and bad people get rich and powerful. The one punishment they have is that they have to live with their decisions. That's what The Sopranos has been about, how one powerful man has had to live with all the terrible things he's done. The death or incarceration of Tony Soprano would be a spectacular ending that would satisfy a lot of people, but I would be slightly disappointed with it. That type of neat ending with a bowtie and a sundae with whipped cream on it is false to me.

If Jesus were alive today, he'd be sitting there in his wheelchair, spitting on himself and working to bring men like Tony Soprano down. And Tony would have sent Silvio to bring Jesus to the Bada Bing and have him whacked.

And that's the ending I want to see. Tony Soprano killing Jesus.