Sleepy

My foot is asleep. I tried my best to wake it up, but my foot is a lazy son of a bitch. I am all like "Yo foot, you have to get up!" and my foot's all "Motherfucker I'm tired!" and he goes back to sleep. My foot is an asshole¹.

It is very hard to wake a foot up. That's why I am putting my best efforts forward to devise some sort of Foot Alarm Clock. I imagine I would be able to put on the FAC like a sock, only instead of keeping my feet warm, the FAC will wake up my sleeping foot with a series of beeps or to a song, such as "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler².

Because of my invention, my foot will never get a decent amount of rest ever again. My foot will be an insomniac foot. I will no longer have to hop to the kitchen to get a glass of water ever again.


¹ Obviously, I am just kidding. My foot is not an asshole. My foot is a foot!
² The lyrics for "Wind Beneath My Wings" are as follows:

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way,
you always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name -- for so long,
a beautiful smile to hide the pain.

CHORUS:
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and ev'rything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it,
I would be nothing with out you.

(CHORUS)

Fly, fly, fly away,
you let me fly so high.
Oh, fly, fly,
so high against the sky, so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you,
the wind beneath my wings.