Bauer Hour

me: sopranos sunday is on easter this year
Adan: Well, everyone needs thier religion

And it's true.

Below is the conversation I had yesterday while Manny was watching a tape of the first two hours of 24. I don't usually save convos other than gmail (and only because its automatic), but I really liked this one because I feel it all built to an inevitable conclusion of Manny unintentionally saying something hilarious.

There are spoilers throughout if you haven't watched it because you're waiting to do a marathon viewing or if you're a loser. Manny doesn't explain the context of anything, but fair warning anyway.

And here are links to 24:

Four things 24 Would Like You To Believe
Jack Bauer Facts
24 Great 24 moments

Me (11:32:02 AM): are u watching?
Manny (11:32:08 AM): yeah
Me (11:32:51 AM): are u wearing a tie
Manny (11:32:57 AM): nooooo
Me (11:33:02 AM): WHAT?
Me (11:33:11 AM): i wore a tie last night and my mom thought i was crazy ¹
Manny (11:33:14 AM): of coarse i am
Me (11:34:01 AM): good
Manny (11:34:41 AM): hey its that guy from season 1
Me (11:34:55 AM): yeah milo
Me (11:34:59 AM): i said the same thing
Manny (11:35:41 AM): chloe's a hottie?
Me (11:35:59 AM): haha, no
Manny (11:36:21 AM): wow that needs to get out more
Me (11:36:36 AM): it was hilarious, when her ex-husband or whatever was saying "i'm not a beautiful woman" vincent was like "neither is chloe"
Manny (11:37:18 AM): ITS HIM ITS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me (11:37:28 AM): wtf ²
Manny (11:37:28 AM): wait
Manny (11:37:31 AM): wait
Me (11:37:37 AM): what are u talking about?
Manny (11:37:53 AM): YESSSSSS JACK IS BACK
Me (11:38:28 AM): not yet
Me (11:38:41 AM): he's a broken man
Me (11:38:49 AM): but there's a scene coming up where that quote will be justified
Me (11:39:04 AM): u'll know when u see it
Manny (11:43:49 AM): OH SHIT THEIR MARRIED!!!!!! ³
Me (11:44:07 AM): yeah i was like WTF
Manny (11:44:10 AM): theyre
Me (11:44:27 AM): karen hayes
Me (11:44:40 AM): karen hayes buchanan
Manny (11:45:50 AM): this smells like a set up
Me (11:45:57 AM): what does?
Manny (11:46:04 AM): access to all their survallence and shit ⁴
Manny (11:46:06 AM): ??
Me (11:46:19 AM): yeah thats fishy
Me (11:46:20 AM): keep watching
Me (11:47:33 AM): the new girl at CTU is pretty hot
Me (11:47:37 AM): i dont remember her name
Manny (11:47:39 AM): yeah she is
Manny (11:48:23 AM): they ever say what happen to wayne in day 5
Me (11:48:40 AM): i dont think so
Me (11:49:04 AM): i'm going to rewatch that on DVD just to find out
Me (11:49:19 AM): he disappeared off the face of the earth and then became president
Me (11:50:15 AM): i like when buchanan said "president palmer" and jack was like "what the fuck?"
Manny (11:50:22 AM): yeah
Me (11:50:35 AM): President Wayne Palmer
Me (11:51:05 AM): i think there might be a black president someday, but there will never be a president named wayne
Me (11:51:10 AM): thats unrealistic
Manny (11:51:17 AM): hahahahaha
Manny (11:52:18 AM): damn this is happening already?
Me (11:52:55 AM): all the terror stuff?
Manny (11:53:00 AM): no the trade
Me (11:53:09 AM): yeah obviously
Me (11:53:19 AM): u thought they'd drag it out?
Manny (11:53:24 AM): yeah
Me (11:53:35 AM): that would be terrible
Me (11:53:42 AM): probably more realistic, but terrible
Manny (11:56:11 AM): hey it's that kid
Me (11:56:24 AM): kumar?
Manny (11:56:30 AM): KUMAR
Manny (11:56:41 AM): OH SHIT ITS KUMAR!!!!!!!!
Me (11:56:55 AM): yeah
Manny (11:57:14 AM): no the other kid hes in a couple of other movies
Me (11:57:33 AM): he's just going to eat sliders for 12 hours before jack shoots him
Manny (11:57:33 AM): BUT THAT KUMAR
Manny (11:57:46 AM): it rube
Me (11:57:56 AM): u need to learn how to spell
Me (11:58:05 AM): i don't know what the hell it rube means
Manny (11:58:16 AM): from major league 2
Me (11:58:36 AM): THATS HIS NAME
Manny (11:58:44 AM): in the movie
Me (11:58:48 AM): i was trying to figure that out last night and i was too lazy to go on IMDB
Manny (11:59:03 AM): they called him Rube or someting
Me (11:59:21 AM): major league 2 was better than 1 i thought
Manny (11:59:35 AM): i think they were a close tie
Me (11:59:48 AM): they're both good
Me (11:59:50 AM): 3 never happened
Manny (12:00:08 PM): agreed
Me (12:00:17 PM): i'm glad that they just made 2 major league movies
Manny (12:00:20 PM): so i have no idea what your talking about
Me (12:00:31 PM): i'm just saying that they never made a 3rd one
Manny (12:00:37 PM): they should
Manny (12:00:48 PM): i think it would be really good
Me (12:00:58 PM): they should do one about rube becoming a muslim hater
Manny (12:02:26 PM): do they have to ask
Me (12:02:33 PM): ???
Manny (12:02:39 PM): who fucking with the satillite
Me (12:02:43 PM): u have to give me context man, i'm not watching
Me (12:02:51 PM): exactly
Me (12:03:04 PM): it's always chloe
Manny (12:03:24 PM): chloe just got fired
Manny (12:03:34 PM): hahahahaha
Manny (12:03:37 PM): dam it
Manny (12:03:41 PM): damn it ⁵
Me (12:03:44 PM): hahaha i laughed too
Manny (12:03:51 PM): oh man
Manny (12:04:24 PM): hahahahahahaha
Manny (12:04:29 PM): i cant get over it
Me (12:06:59 PM): wow really?
Me (12:07:02 PM): they say that shit all the time
Me (12:07:03 PM): DAMMIT
Me (12:08:46 PM): brb going to lunch
Me (12:09:01 PM): u going to be online later?
Manny (12:10:07 PM): yeah should be
Manny (12:11:45 PM): nooooooo kumar
Manny (12:11:51 PM): say it aint sooo
Manny (12:23:50 PM): FUCK YEAH!!
Manny (12:35:07 PM): go jack go
Manny (12:39:41 PM): jack's going soft!!
Manny (12:41:40 PM): thisa country id fucked ⁶
Manny (12:41:54 PM): is
Me (1:12:03 PM): you fucked a country?
Me (1:12:05 PM): impressive

¹ - Sometime during season 4, James, Manny, and I started wearing ties while watching 24. I don't remember when or how this tradition started (most likely, we were making fun of Manny for some reason that escapes me), but it continues to this very day.

² - WTF stands for Wintery Terrycloth Fabric, also I think it's hilarious that Manny gets so excited about seeing a man.

³ - This is in reference to the union between Bill Buchanan and Karen Hayes.

⁴ - Not only did the terrorists ask for access to CTU's surveillance, they also got access to their shit.

⁵ - They say "DAMMIT!" on 24 a lot because, due to network TV restrictions, they're unable to use the word "Fuck" or "cuntmasher". I think the way the word is used on the show is terrific (basically, everytime something bad happens, which is pretty much all the time). I try to incorporate it as much in my daily life as possible.

⁶ - I'm not sure if he meant "This is a country I'd fuck" or whatever, but either way Manny apparently fucked a country. My guess, he fucked the Sudan, and that is why the people are suffering right now. Keep this in mind the next time you laugh when someone asks you to donate to saving Darfur⁷.

⁷ -In all seriousness, you should donate to save Darfur. People are suffering! Stop being greedy you cheap motherfucker. Every little bit helps. Not everyone can bounce back after being fucked by Manny.