You play to win the game

I said that Madden was the peanut butter and jelly sandwich of video games. Turns out, this sandwich is probably made on moldy bread.

The game on the Wii is impossible. The first possession in the first game I had, I threw an interception. I don't even know how I did it, all I know is that I wanted to throw to Tiki Barber and next thing I know I'm floating a pass to Plaxico Burress even though he's being triple covered. First defensive play, I allow a 20 yard run to Jamal Lewis, who should probably be in jail right about now for various reasons, one of them being that he's a Baltimore Raven and everyone on the Ravens should probably be in prison. Especially Todd Heap, who caught a 14 yard pass on the next play for the touchdown. I shut the game off right there.

This game is too hard. I thought game play on the Wii was supposed to make controls easier, but they made them a million times more complicated. For instance, in the Receiving Minigame in Training Camp mode, you have to not only sprint (holding the Z button) to the ball, but you have to raise both the nunchuck and the wiimote in order to catch a pass. Now I pretty much mastered the Receiving minigame way back when I first played it on Madden 2004 and have never had a problem with it. On the Wii, I caught two passes and I don't even know how I did it. I can't raise both the Wiimote and the nunchuck without moving the analog stick, which always puts the receiver out of position. I'm also not good at passing, because instead of pressing a button and the QB automatically throws the ball to the receiver, I have to press a button and then wave the Wiimote at the screen. It sounds easy, but it's approximately 39523532x harder in practice.

And the worst is kicking. You have to swing the Wiimote up towards the screen, and how hard and steady you wave the controller determines how far the ball is kicked and how it slices. I can get some good power on my kicks, but the slice just fucking kills me. One of my field goal kicks went all the way to the right corner of the end zone. In case you don't know, you're not supposed to kick the ball to the right corner of the end zone. You're supposed to kick it towards the center of the endzone, where the yellow field goal bars are. If this happened in a real game, it would've been #1 on ESPN Classic's "Top 100 Most Embarassing Things That Ever Happened".

For the first time in maybe ten years, I feel like I have no clue how to play Madden. The whole style has changed, and I'm not sure if it's for the better. It was bad enough when EA Sports added that stupid passing cone option in 2006, but this time the entire gameplay has changed. After another turnover filled game (this one making it into the second quarter before I got frustrated and turned off the system), I actually started considering bumping the level down Pro. Or worse, Easy Play. It's like being crippled in a car accident and learning how to walk again, only much much worse.

I'll probably get good at it once I spend some time at it, but I'm going to lose ten years of my life doing it. I get really pissed when I lose and I'm supposed to win, or when I do bad at something and I feel like I should be good. I'd say 95% of the fights I've ever had in my life have occured because of this. I've never been able to handle it well. But I can't just say "fuck it" and just quit playing. I feel like someone I know is getting good at this game as I type this. Or even worse, if I don't get good, someone who has no reason to even think about beating me will kick the living shit out of me if I play them. If that happens, I don't know what I would do. Just thinking about that makes me angry.

The back of the box says "Playing Madden Has Never Been Easier", what a fucking load of shit.