Game 7

Tonight is Game 7 of the NLCS between the Mets and the Cardinals. I have no vested interest in the series, but I'm still torn. On one hand it would be nice to see a New York team in the World Series, and a Mets/Tigers series would be more interesting, on the other hand, I really don't want to see the Mets own New York for the next year, and I'm still bitter about the Tigers series, so the more interesting World Series would be less interesting to me. I'll probably end up rooting for one of those teams as the series progresses, but I won't want either of them to win. That probably doesn't make any sense.

I've found myself rooting for the Cardinals in this series, but I don't really want them to win either. Other than Albert Pujols and David Eckstein's stance, the Cardinals are boring as hell. The most interesting subplot of a Tigers/Cards series would be the friendship of manager's Jim Leyland and Tony LaRussa. That's way too happy for sports. I hope that a story about LaRussa sleeping with Leyland's wife gets leaked to ESPN.

Game 7 is the best though. It's the one game in sports where, afterwards, there are always one group of people who are ecstatic to the point of violence and another group who are depressed to the point of violence. You can get that in football or even college basketball, but there's no ebb and flow in those playoff games. One team wins and just keeps winning, until they eventually get elminated or win the championship. The only people who really get violently happy or angry are gambling addicts. In basketball, baseball, and hockey, you're either happy or mad after every game, and those emotions just build and build up to the final deciding game, where anything can happen. And that's why there are riots after these playoff games.

I'm an old man, so I've seen my share of deciding games over the years. My most memorable ones, in chronolgical order, are as follows.

1992 - Eastern Conference Semifinals - Bulls vs. Knicks

This is the first of many frustrating Game 7s I've witnessed as a Knick fan. Unfortunately because of Isiah Thomas and Jim Dolan, every Knick fan under the age of 35 remembers the 90s as the good ol' days, even though they didn't win shit. I don't remember much of this game other than John Starks punting the ball into the stands, but I do remember that the NBC montage before the game featured Van Halen's "Right Now" and Michael Jordan and Patrick Ewing standing around looking serious. Tremendous. This game was the first time I was touched by the overwhelming power of the montage.

1994 - Eastern Conference Finals - Knicks vs. Pacers

The most famous clip from this game is Starks missing a layup, and then Ewing following up with a slam dunk to clinch the game, but my favorite moment was Reggie Miller going to intentionally foul Starks to stop the clock, who completely flopped and pretended that Reggie hit him over the head with a frying pan, which lead to a flagrant foul that iced the game and made Reggie cry (not really). That was excellent. Man, I fucking hate Reggie Miller.

1994 - Stanley Cup Finals - Rangers vs. Canucks

I'm not a Rangers fan, but my friend Cody was, and he stayed over my house while we watched the game. We called everyone we knew to talk about the Rangers winning the Cup, and found out that no one even watched the game. This is the first time I realized that no one gives a shit about hockey.

1994 - NBA Finals - Rockets vs. Knicks

I fell asleep watching the game, and when I woke up the first thing I did was run downstairs to watch the recording I had set up. My dad was downstairs and he spoiled the finish by telling me the Knicks lost. I think this was the first time I cursed in front of my parents and they didn't get mad at me.

1995 - Eastern Conference Semifinals - Pacers vs. Knicks

I was an altar server when I was a kid, and I had to serve mass in the afternoon mass, which was took place after the game. Anyway, the Knicks lost after Ewing missed an easy fingerroll that could have and should have won the game. I was pissed throughout the whole mass and kept muttering curses and God struck me with a lightning bolt. I was so bitter and spiteful about the ending that I rooted against the Knicks during the 1995-1996 season.

I eventually made up with them and continued to support them up through good and bad and very bad until Isiah Thomas was named head coach over the summer. Now I feel like I have to root against them in order to preserve the longterm health of the franchise. If Isiah doesn't get fired this year and the Knicks aren't forced to rebuild, then it's entirely possible I'll become old and crippled and blind before the Knicks win a championship. Isiah has done that much damage to this team. His tenure as Knicks general manager has been like George W. Bush's presidency, only worse. Bush may have fucked up Iraq and New Orleans and basically the world in general, but at least he didn't trade his 2006 and 2007 first round picks to the Bulls for a guy with a heart problem (Eddy Curry, who literally and figurately has no heart at all). If the Knicks end up becoming the worst team in the league this year and the Bulls end up with the #1 pick and draft Greg Oden (the best college prospect since Tim Duncan), I will go insane. Not probably, I will actually go insane.

So this year, I basically want the Knicks to lose enough to get that bum fired, but not enough to where they have a good shot at the #1 draft pick. So on any given day, depending on what their record is and the records of other teams in the league, I will either be rooting for or against the New York Knicks.

Being a Knicks fan is like having a fucked up girlfriend.

2001/2003 - Stanley Cup Finals - Avalanche vs. Devils / Devils vs. Mighty Ducks

I was kind of disappointed when the Devils lost and really happy when the Devils won. I'll admit I'm a fairweather fan when it comes to hockey. If the Devils don't win, I don't really care.

2001 - World Series - Diamondbacks vs. Yankees

This was during my first year of college and was also the first riot of my college career. About half of my floor were Yankee fans and half were Yankee haters, and as soon as Luis Gonzales hit that blooper, pandamonium ensued.

I'm not as bitter about this loss, because that 2001 Yankee team might've been my favorite out of all of them (even over the four championship teams). I was more stunned than anything, because it was shocking to see someone beat Mariano Rivera. It's still shocking when anyone beats Mariano Rivera. It's like watching aliens land in center field.

2003 - ALCS - Yankees vs. Red Sox

This was the best series of my life and I probably won't see a better one. Every game was pretty much a Game 7. The Yankees were losing 4-0 and Clemens got taken out early. I couldn't handle it so I took take a break from the game and walk around to 7-11 to buy some beer, where I met up with a couple other people I knew who decided to take a break from the game and walk to 7-11 to buy some beer. I came back and the Yankees cut the lead. There was still hope, but Pedro was rolling.

Then Grady Little decide not to take Pedro out of the game and the Yankees tied the game when Jorge Posada hit a 2 RBI double in the 8th. By this point, I couldn't talk without screaming. My roommate was laughing and I just screamed at him. Then in the 11th...



Aaron Fucking Boone hit the home fucking run.

And I immediately started running down the halls screaming with a bunch of other people down my hall who were screaming. My friend Credo called me, and we just started screaming at each other. To this day, I don't have a clue what he said or I said or if it the whole thing even happened. Then I ran outside and met up with my friend Eddie, and we started screaming at each other. And every Yankee fan in the school started running outside and started screaming at Red Sox decorated windows. I went with Eddie back to his suite to toast the 2003 ALCS champions, just in time to look out his window and see cop cars storm onto the lawn to break up the riots that were ensuing throughout the campus.

2004 - ALCS - Red Sox vs. Yankees

This was the worst series of my life. All I'm going to say is that I had to buy a new remote control for my TV and new PlayStation 2 controller after this game.


I have nothing left to say. Hopefully, tonight's game will be good. Either way, it's still Game 7. One group of people will be joyous while a whole other group of people will be absolutely crushed. That's why I watch sports.