People I Admire

This is part 15 of an ongoing look at people who I admire. Today, I will discuss the career of M. Night Shyamalan, the director of the upcoming movie, Lady in the Water. He is the director of such films as The Sixth Sense, Signs, and The Village (which is arguably the worst movie of all time, but I'll try not to let that affect this tribute to him)

His friends call him Night, but his real name is Manoj Nelliyattu Shyamaallan. As you can tell, he is an Indian American, or a Pakistani American (it's the same thing, right?). In his youth, Manoj was given a Super-8 camera and the dream of becoming a famous director. Amazingly, his dream came true when he manojed to make his first movie, Praying With Anger, at the age of 22. Many young people dream to become involved in the movie business at a young age, but they are not as good manojers as Shychamalan.

People know Syhymylan best as the director of The Sixth Sense, the story about a kid who sees ghosts. The film is best known for the shocking twist that Forrest Gump's kid had apparently not aged one bit in the five years since Jenny died. The Sixth Sense became the movie hit of the year, was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Picture, and Skamayalyan was nominated for Best Director.

He followed that up with a solid effort in Unbreakable, again starring Bruce Willis and the immortal Samuel L. Jackson, and Signs, starring Mel Gibson and Jesus. What was good about those two movies was the way they took two sub-genres (the superhero film and the alien invasion film) and put a brand new spin on those types of movies, mainly, not showing anything exciting or action packed whatsoever. This somehow worked, showcasing Samalyian's unique talent. Unbreakable and Signs were also enormous hits that grossed a combined 600 million world wide, establishing Samalamayan as one of the most successful directors of his generation.

However, Samalian disappointed his fans with The Village, which is the worst movie of all time. No, fuck that, it's one of the worst things of all time. That's not an opinion, that's a fact. This is a list of the worst things of all time, signed into law by the U.S. Congress and co-sponsored the members of the U.N. Security Council.

--Disease
--Slavery
--Terrorism
--Concrete Bathrooms
--The Village

The Village was so fucking bad, it set back relief funding for struggling villages in East Asia for 100 years. I hated that movie so much, I almost wanted to travel to Philadelphia and hit him in the fucking face with a fucking hammer. Out of admiration and a lack of knowledge of where he lives, I declined to do so. Nevertheless, we all applauded Samoliyn manojing to insert himself, a Pakindian-American, in a movie that seemed like it was about a village in the 1800s.

Sammyland's new movie, The Lady in the Water, enters theaters next Friday. It's a bedtime story, starring Paul Giamatti and Ron Howard's daughter. I suggest everyone go watch it despite the fact watching his last movie was like having a brain eating disease.

And so to answer the question: Why do I admire M. Night Slammajamma? It's because he is a gentleman, a humanitarian, and a talented director, in spite of The Village being worse than getting punched in the face by a gorilla with AIDS on his hands. Man, that movie fucking blew monkey nuts.

You know what, fuck M. Night Shyamalan. He sucks. I change my vote of admiration to Alf.