Things I Like Part 342342423: Iced Coffee

Every day, right before I get into work, I buy an iced coffee from one of the street vendors outside my building (I say this as if I own the building). Sometimes, I'll switch the style up and go to one of the stores and get a bagel w/ cream cheese and an iced coffee. Then I'll head into work and savor the ever-loving goodness that the iced coffee represents. Then at lunch, I'll have a sandwich or whatever, and I'll get ANOTHER iced coffee. And I'm set for the day.

I don't know how I managed to get through the day without iced coffee. I don't know how anyone does it. Sometimes people at work or people I talk through online say that they are tired. Well, then! You better get an iced coffee! I say. I don't know how people do this. I don't know how animals do this. Can you imagine an octopus drinking iced coffee? I can! Those eight arms would be put to good use. Man, I wish I had eight arms. I would be able to play, like, four video games at the same time. I could probably write this four times faster. I could be a really good goalie for some kickass soccer team. Man.

Even our forefathers had the right idea, when they tried turning the Boston Harbor into one giant coffee paradise. And then they fought the British, who tried to take their coffee away by taxing the hell out of it, and they won! I bet they drank coffee. George Washington was a caffeine warrior. What heroes, those great patriots were.

Coffee is great.