John Lennon.

Tomorrow (or later today), I am going with Adan and some guy I don't know to Rock the Bells, featuring Rage Against The Machine, Wu-Tang Clan, Nas, Public Enemy, and others.

But tonight, I'm going to Rock Your Socks! And by Rock Your Socks, I mean, I'm going to talk about walruses.



One of the things I admire most about Walruses is that they are able to travel to far away lands despite the fact that they do not have any legs. Sometimes, I like to think about how I would react if I was in another person, or walrus's, situation. And I know that if I had no legs, I would sit in my wheelchair and I would drink lots of Jack Daniels and sob endlessly in the shower. Walruses don't do that, walruses make the best of their situation, and they travel by flopping around or swimming.

Another thing I like about walruses is they have giant whiskers. I feel it gives them a look of wisdom and superiority, because I associate wisdom and superiority with facial hair. Look at all the wise figures in history: Abraham Lincoln, Gandalf, Nancy Reagan. All of them are bearded men. I feel as though I can speak to a walrus about my problems. I imagine a conversation with a walrus would go something like this.

Me: Walrus, I was wondering, will I ever find love and happiness in life?
Walrus: Sure.

They are so zen.

I also respect walruses because they have big ass teeth. As a rule, I don't mess with anything that has big ass teeth. That's a big reason why I would never pick a fight with Bugs Bunny or Julia Roberts. I have great respect for creatures that could tear off my arm in one bite. If Julia Roberts ever came after me with her giant Chicklet teeth, I would run. And that's another reason why Walruses are so admirable. If they were threatened by a deranged big tooth freak like Julia Roberts, they wouldn't run. You know why? Because they can't. They don't have any legs!

Walruses.