Love letters

Whenever I have to make an angry or confrontational email, I always make it a point to use a smiley face in order to defuse the situation. If I know the person well, maybe I will ask how their family is, how their kids are doing in school, or if they have any vacation plans after bringing the thunder down on them. One of the things I've learned is that even when you're angry, you have to show concern for the people in your life. You take care of your friends and you even take care of your enemies, because you never know when you're going to need their help. Sometimes, the little bit of kindness helps, even when you have to be forceful.

Here's an example of a email I would send:

Yo bitch,

What the fuck? Are you fucking serious with that shit? You better call me back or I will motherfucking knock you back to Iowa. What? You aren't from Iowa? Well that's where you're fucking headed, you got that shitbrain.

You will listen to me motherfucker. I'm not fucking around. When I say "Jump", you say "How high?" If I take a shit in your bed, you will thank me for the new pillows. If I say I want tacos, you better fire up that ground beef and get the cheese and salsa ready. And you better fucking get those motherfucking hard shells. I don't like that soft taco bullshit. Although from time to time they can be very good if prepared properly. Burritoville makes pretty good tacos, and also Taco Bell. Man, I could go for some goddamn Taco Bell right now.

You better fucking listen to me. I'm fucking serious. I don't play around when it comes to this shit. Do not fuck with me assfuck. I will rain Biblical fire on your bitch ass.

Alright Mom, I'll talk to you later. Give my best to Dad. :-)

Love,
Jason

P.S. Can you please give me that money ASAP? Thanks!!!!