The new Gay Manny

Gay Manny and Serious Manny are the two sides to my roommate Manny. Most people know Manny as Gay Manny, but Serious Manny is a different beast. As he told my other roommate Tarik, when Serious Manny gets mad, he doesn't play fight, he ends things. Not too many people have seen Serious Manny, but if you do, it's over, because he doesn't play fight, he ends things. I hear there was this one time someone provoked Serious Manny, and he disappeared soon after that. Because Serious Manny doesn't play fight. He ends things.

The real story: One day, I was making fun of Manny around like I always do, and I eventually stopped like I always do. The next day, I went home, and he told Tarik that I stopped because I knew he was getting serious, and when he gets serious he doesn't play fight and he ends things. Of course, Tarik told this to me the first chance he got. So we've proceeded to run the Gay Manny/Serious Manny joke into the ground over the course of the summer. It's been the go-to joke for times when we have nothing else to talk about.

Until now.

First, a brief introduction to Gay Manny. Gay Manny is the guy who says and does a lot of stupid things. Mindblowingly stupid to the point of legend. There are many stories, but the Gay Manny legend comes from one story, about four years ago...

My friends Rob, Carmen, and Carmen's cousin, myself, and Manny were in the elevator going to the bar sophomore year. We're ready to have a good night, and that includes telling stories about other horrible but memorable times we've had. I don't remember the stories we were telling, but Manny came up with a gem for the ages.

Rob: Hey, remember when we got drunk.
Carmen: That was fun.
Me: Yeah, we were wasted.
Carmen's Cuz: I got wasted one time too.
Everyone: Hahaha what a funny story. We are great storytellers.
Manny: Hey, remember when we went to that gay bar?
Everyone in the Elevator: WHAT?!
Manny: That gay bar?
Everyone in the Elevator: WHAT?!
Manny (realizing): No wait, I mean that bar that really sucked.

Hence the name, Gay Manny.

Other stories include the time he was walking and that other time when he said something. Those moments were priceless.

Over the years, we've come up with new and creative ways to torture the kid. Like the time Eddie, Carmen, and I threw him in the trunk of Ed's car and drove home from Long Island, or when we mummified (shaving cream and toilet papered) him outside campus and he had to walk through campus covered in shaving cream and TP, and or when James and I threw all the junk in his room on top of him when he got drunk and passed out on his bed.

It's not that we hate him (we do, but it's not that), it's that he says and does a lot of stupid things and therefore is an easy mark, and also he's pretty good humored (except when he gets "serious") about it and can laugh off anything, which is a good thing. People take themselves way too seriously. And if you can't rag on your friends from time to time (or in this case, all the time) and/or vice versa, there's no point in being friends. That's the way I see it. I also moonlight as a wiseman in my spare time.


Yesterday, I managed to score some tickets (meaning, the bigwigs at the office couldn't use them, so they handed them off to me) to the WWE Supershow at the Garden. The E was taping ECW at 8:00, followed by the live broadcast of RAW at 9:00. The tickets were right next to the ramp, so we had a GREAT view of every superstar and diva walking to the ring. It was also the first WWE show held at MSG in about a year, and on the anniversary of 9/11 no less. And if there's one thing the WWE does better than anyone else, it's putting together montages and video promos (and the one they put together for 9/11 was amazing) and throwing a good live show together, even if it comes across as bad on TV. I offered to my extra ticket to Tarik, seeing as he's my roommate and he's also a wrestling fan (not as hardcore, which might be a good thing in the long run). Unfortunately, he couldn't go to the event, because he had to do laundry.

Repeat: He passed up free floor, rampside seats, to a WWE show at Madison Square Garden, because he needed to do laundry.

Not only that, he couldn't go to a free, three hour, televised broadcast of ECW and RAW, because he had to do laundry with Manny.

That's right, Tarik couldn't go to a free WWE Supershow, on 9/11, at the most famous arena in the world in the greatest city in the world, because he had a laundry date with Manny.

Did I mention these were free tickets? Because they were. And that it took place at MSG, the center of the universe for all arena events? Or that the tickets were free.

Free.

This was as big, or even a bigger, faux pas than anything Manny can ever dream of doing (excluding the gay bar story. That one is a keeper). Now I don't expect everyone to go along with me whenever I want to do something. I also offered Vincent and Brett the ticket as well, and they had actual important things to attend to. No harm, no foul. But to turn down a free show because you have to do laundry, with Manny, is crazy to me.

Crazy.

So I decided to ask Manny if he would rather go to a free wrestling show or do laundry with Tarik. He accepted as soon as I said the word "free". Smartest thing he's ever done in his life. Literally. This might've been the only smart thing the kid has ever done. So henceforth, Manny has been stripped of the Gay Manny moniker and has been upgraded to just Plain Manny. Tarik assumes the Gay Manny mantle until further notice.

To be honest, I may have fudged the facts. Perhaps he and Manny weren't going to do laundry together. They just happened to have plans to do laundry after work on the same day. A likely story, like OJ and the third glove. I'm almost sorry I ruined their date. I hope no one thinks I'm a CB, because I'm not. In fact, I'll leave the two of them alone next time they have plans to do laundry together or if they want to take a moonlight stroll in the park.

I could have read the situation wrong, but I don't care. I'll never let him live it down. This one belongs to the ages.