Boats

My favorite thing to do on a lazy weekend is go to the park, try and catch/kick a pigeon, and eventually give up trying to catch them because those fuckers are fast (and can fly). After that, I go get an ice cream cone from one of the trucks and watch people ride boats up and down the river. I did that for about an hour today. It was the most productive thing I've done all summer. I want a boat, but I don't really have the funds to purchase one. This means one thing and one thing only. I will have to steal a boat.

First, I will have to buy a paddle somewhere. I don't know where I can do that, but I figure that there has to be some sort of paddle store near my apartment somewhere. Or if I decide to steal a motorboat, I'll have to learn how to hotwire it. I figure that I can just print out some directions on the internet for that. I don't think that should be difficult, especially if pictures are provided in the instructions. The best case scenario would be stealing a sail boat, then I can just let the wind do all the work.

Next, I have figure out where they keep the boats. I imagine it would be next to the river, so I will just walk around the river until I see a bunch of boats.

Then, I will just hop onto the boat and then steal it! To escape the authorities and suspicion, I will have to set sail for Greenland. I would go to the great country of Canada, but seeing that I am banned from the country, I will settle for Greenland. It seems like a nice place, I like things that are green like my sister's dinosaur and Kermit, and my lawn is ALREADY green land. I think I would adjust nicely.

As you can see, I have planned this out really well. Hopefully, no one from Homeland Security reads this thing and arrests me for premeditated boat stealing, or grand theft boat. That would be disasterous. Disasterous to my plans of owning a boat.

Boat.